“The Lord watches over you—the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life.” Psalm 121:5-6 (NIV)
It was a Tuesday.
I walked into the house and up the stairs.
But the air felt different.
I slowly turned toward my armoire.
All the drawers were gone.
Along with one white pillowcase from my bed.
And at that moment, everything changed.
I became fearful.
Oh, on the outside, I looked just fine.
Whatever that means.
You see, I was going through the motions of faith,
But I was living in the grip of fear.
Unwillingly. Unintentionally. Unknowingly.
Or, so I thought.
Of course, I would pray and ask God to protect me,
But my actions painted a different picture.
Like when my husband traveled for his job,
I’d sleep downstairs on the couch.
That way, if “someone”…anyone…tried to break in again
I could make my great escape easier than from upstairs.
And, whenever I would enter the house,
I’d check every room.
Under every bed.
Inside every closet.
Even in the bathtub.
I mean, you never know where someone might be hiding.
And on and on I went…
Putting my faith into my fear
Instead of surrendering it to my God
With all my heart and soul.
Oh, I’d like to say that one day, I woke up and my fear was magically gone.
But, that’s not how it happened.
It was much better than that.
You see, I was in the midst of moving a piece of furniture to block the door…again…when I heard His voice.
It wasn’t the first time He spoke.
But this time, I was listening.
And finally and yes, willingly, intentionally, and knowingly
I let goooooooo…
Of that ugly fear that I had been dragging around for so long.
I had finally reached the point where enough was enough
And I cried out to my Father from the depths of my soul,
From that place where desperation lives.
Perhaps you know
Because you’ve been there…
Or, you are there right now.
Desperate for the fear to flee.
Wondering if it will always be this way.
I get it.
Boy, do I get it.
Dear one, will you join me in this simple prayer and surrender your fear to the One who is always faithful?
Father God, I am afraid of _______________. I don’t want to carry this fear anymore. Please take it away and give me your peace. I love you and I trust you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Oh friend, I wish I could tell you that ever since I cried out to God on my desperation day, that I don’t have a fear in the world anymore.
But I can’t.
However, I can tell you that I’m quicker to recognize…and release…my fears than I used to be.
Because now I want my life to be defined by my faith, not my fear.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
Spread your joy,